Expectation vs Reality
Dear Friend,
Have you ever prepared to ace an interview or pitch, of course, you have and boom failure happens. Remember failure is not the end of any journey, it’s more like a comma in your book, you have to keep going. My point is failure is expected at every point in time, even struggle and shame but it shouldn’t be the end of the road.
Sometimes our expectations can confuse us into thinking that our goals will bring us much more than they actually do, so we often pursue the wrong goals. In fact, while we believe that the ideal job, perfect relationship, or stellar bank account will change our happiness levels permanently, they may only give us a temporary boost of joy—it is surprisingly sometimes short-lived.
Although right now, a steady stellar bank account will be a healthy boost of joy. I’m sure you can relate.
A problem with expectations was made famous by Charles Dickens novel, "Great Expectations." The main character, Pip, inherits money from a secret benefactor. He views this fortune as a stepping stone to marrying the girl of his dreams.
When he ultimately learned that the money was not necessarily part of that larger plan, he realized that he had taken for granted so many important relationships and gifts in his life. His expectations had robbed him of fully appreciating his reality.
Our expectations can get the better of us when we expect more than what is realistic in a given situation. We might expect our partners to live up to what we see in romance novels, our jobs to be idealized versions we had as teenagers or even our lives to match up to what we see on social media #PepperDem. Perhaps you expect Nigeria to get better very soon when in reality it’s not going to become better until some of us take action.
Our expectations can create significant stress when they don't match up to reality. Also consider how social media can greatly contribute to this: we compare our own worst moments (those not deemed to be shareable online) to others' best moments, which very often are filtered to seem perfect. We may not even realize this mismatched comparison. We all know that comparison is a joy stealer and a real-time thief.
Research backs up this idea that we may not fully appreciate what we have when we are expecting more or comparing what we have to what we could have.
It's important to take a deeper look into how your expectations stack up to reality (and how your mood is affected because of this). Here are some healthy ways to start.
When you go into a new situation, ask yourself what you expect to happen.
Ask yourself if your expectations should be this way. Where did these expectations come from and are they realistic?
When you feel disappointed, try to think about whether it was realistic to expect what you were hoping for. (If so, make a plan for getting what you want next time. If not, think about managing your expectations and how to do this.)
Allow your expectations to be SMART so it can match your reality.
I’ll like to know your thoughts, please share and use #FillingswithTobyDonut
Love, chocolate-glazed donuts and milkshake
Excerpts culled from VeryWellMind